scatterbrain here...

So beautiful, I can see from the way she sways. She got that empty stare, or should I say a glance. And it was also so cold. And when she moves, her body strokes the air in a gentle kind of way, but still unable to cover up the awkwardnes of most girls at her age. She is a ‘Mannequin’. A perfect one.

I was about sixteen years old, at the age adult enough to be slaved by lust. She was fourteen years old, the Mannequin, and I just called her like that in my heart. And about the passion to having her my own? Of course it exists and it rattles wildly in my hearts, the vision of her body keep invading my brain cell like insane. I cannot recklessly called that ‘Love’. Even the passion of having her in my arm was on a high altitude, I decided to postponed my move indefinitely. It because of at the first time I tried to talk to her, she keeps on rattles as if she was going to collapsed.

“I want you.” So I attacked her. “You and me, girl. What d’you think.?”

“I’m not sure…never been with a man before.”

“I’m not a man yet…I’m just a boy. As innocent as you.” And it was followed with my hideous grin.

“M..My father won’t let me.”

“He don’t need to know.”

“true…”

“So what d’you think?”

“its..up to you.”

Bad answer. See, when a girl told me that it’s up to me, can I drag her to bed and just put my hands all over her body? Can I suck her lips as it was an extention to mine? Can I lock her up in my room for months? Can I kill her dad if he wont let me take his daughter? Or – simply – can I be her boyfriend? Absolutely not. A (confused) girl could come up with that “up to you” answers - or in Bahasa: “terserah” – when you ask her something which she cannot decide at the time.

So what do I do? I just step back and postponed everything. She did not rejected me at the time, but the answer is also not a very positive one. Eventhough most of my friends and also her friends told me that she did accept me that time. All I said then “I only go for the word ‘yes’ or ‘no’.” I though se was too young at that time, and she will need some space to grow and make a decisions to my proposal.

A year later I did what I have to do when I met her. I was seventeen, she was fifteen.

“Remember what I’ve asked you last year?”

“yeah…how about that?”

“Now I’m serious. What is your answer?”

“I have a boyfriend now.”

Merde! Puta! Salope! (these are french words, don’t look up for the meanings).

“I like you better than my current boyfriend, but you dissapeared right after I answer your proposal.”

Silly me, I guess one year is a little to long for delaying action, right?

So girls…the moral of this story is: keep out with using ‘up to you’ as an answer…it is disorienting and full of uncertainty.

More silly stories of Me and the “Manequin of Head-ache and Heart-ache” coming up by request of your comments.